1st Chemo Session

It all became real when I walked into her hospital room and saw her sitting there in the bed, hooked up to the chemo. I had my two boys with me, the youngest walked right in and climbed up onto the bed next to his grandma. My oldest went across the room and sat down in the chair quietly, he is having a hard time. He doesn't understand why they are giving grandma medicine to make her better, and that same medicine will make her really sick in order to make her better. 

Mom felt great the 3 days she stayed with me. We had to remember to snack often, so she would not get low on energy. Her Doctor told her to take an allergy pill every day, to help with some of the aches she will get from the white blood cell shot they gave her. The shot will help rebuild her white blood cell count. The type of chemo she is getting is called R-CHOP. Each of the letters stands for the name of a drug, and each drug does something different. 

The day she left to go back home was hard. Things are going to be different from now on, no more just hanging out with mom and shopping til we drop. As we were saying goodbye she started to tear up, I had a huge lump in my throat but did not want to worry her or make her more upset. As she drove away I wanted to chase after her, jump into the car and go home with her. I hated that I do not live close to her, that I would not be right there for her. Maybe it is that I am the oldest child, but I could feel the take charge and control freak in me coming out! I did not want her leaving without me. I do not want things to change. I feel selfish in a way, because I feel bad that we will not be able to see her as much, and do all that we used to do. I don't want to have to go days or weeks without seeing her, because I might have a cold or something. But we, my siblings and I, will do whatever we have to do to keep her well. We are putting her first, no matter how hard it might be, it is the way it has to be, we want her here with us for many years to come! 

So for the next couple of days I was a bear. The boy's, including my husband Kevin, stayed out of the way. Anything would upset me, I would fell bad for getting mad and then I would start crying. My emotions were all over the place, I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband and boys! But now it is all out of me, for now, and we move on. Now, to help her get through the next 7 days, the hardest days. The side affects start this week.